Interview with Valentin Voronin
Despair, pain, confusion and an absolute lack of understanding of how to live on. One way or another, we encounter such situations in our environment or even in our own family.
For some, betrayal is a terrible betrayal, but for others it is simply a fact that is not worth wasting time and energy on.
Many people expect that the romance, passion and surprises with which a relationship began will certainly continue into marriage. And when this does not happen, the search for new sensations begins on the outside.
These "walks to the left" are always experienced differently, whether by the walker himself or by the injured party. The only question is which side of the barricades you will find yourself on...
Valentin Voronin
Spiritual coach, founder of the White Mirror School of Self-Development
Why does cheating happen?
If you answer this question directly, without emotion or self-pity, then in fact no one owes you anything. You can argue with this for a long time and disagree, but this is a proven fact more than once. Each of us has a clear position in which he manifests himself in this world. If the person next to me pays attention to me, shows himself in the right way, tries for me, then I show myself the same way towards him (if I really like the person). But I may not like it: I don't owe anything to anyone. Let's say that you once took advantage of a person's weakness, his attraction (or something else) and lured him, and now you think that he is obliged to you for the rest of his life and is forced to do what you need. Understand, this idea is very utopian.

Look at yourself from a different angle: maybe your positioning about your partner is somehow incorrect? For what reason did the betrayal occur? And then the question for you is - will you put up with this or not? In both cases, it is your personal right. Approach the issue as an adult, without self-pity.
What about family obligations?
The problem with all marriages is that one half has the same expectations and ideas about how the future will unfold, who owes what to whom, etc. And the other half may have completely different ideas.

Against the background of the conflict of these interests, confrontations arise. It's good when people immediately deal with this and understand that there is no point in deceiving themselves and continuing in this way. People come together and diverge, this is normal.

Life is so arranged that at the beginning of any relationship everything is sweet and smooth. And after some time it turns out that both owe something to each other. For example, a wife daily presents her husband with lists of unfulfilled tasks, and the husband remembers the one who, some time ago, did not present anything and brought breakfast to bed. Where is this man? Why did he transform so much? Why did she decide that she is "above" me and is now dictating the situation to me? But in the beginning she looked at me with different eyes, she admired me, helped me live. Now it turns out that she interferes with my life, she puts me down, dominates, wants to control me.
But there are certain principles, promises, foundations of the family?
The fact is that you are the master of your inner world. This is yours, this is what you came to this earth with and what you will go back with. Everything else is not yours. This is a kind of rent: you took some space (apartment, house). This is your home while you live in it. But when you are gone, other people will live there. Nothing lasts forever. No matter how much material wealth you accumulate, when you go to another world, you will not take them with you. Same with relationships. We were born into this world. We have parents, our own family, friends. But someday we will leave this life, and they will be left alone. We always wanted to be close and didn't want to let them down, right? But fate often decides otherwise.

The other person should not do what you need, because you have your own ideas on this matter, some kind of agreements, etc. I am sure that everyone who hopes that your other half will always be with you and no one else will be in for a surprise. It definitely won't always be like this - after all, you only live for a few decades. Life is already short, so why complicate it?!
Is cheating related to jealousy or lack of attention?
You need to understand: what exactly are you expecting?

Yes, if you have been cheated on, then instead of feeling sorry for yourself and self-flagellation, just think: what have you done to keep your person close? How do you understand what you really need? After all, you can say anything in your mind. For example, a girl posted a photo of herself in a bikini on social networks. And it seems like nothing like that - now many people do this. But her boyfriend may think that she is apparently not very satisfied with her current relationship and is thus attracting someone else. That is, it turns out that the girl's attention is not focused on her boyfriend, so for him this is a reason to go look for someone next to whom he will feel more complete, more confident and active.
Maybe there is a loss of value in relation to each other?
It is not for nothing that the Chinese characters with the concepts of "wife" and "abundance" are very similar to each other. And you must understand that as long as your spouse is next to you, this is truly real wealth. And here the same question arises: what have you done to ensure that your wealth remains with you? After all, if you have wonderful conditions, then no one will leave.

But it often happens that there is a complete misunderstanding in the family, and then it's really easier to separate. It will be fair to each other. Why follow the rules that you set at a time when you yourself were different. Both spouses have changed since then, and so has life around them.
Betrayal is a definite trauma. Should you go to a psychologist for help?
If there are constant grievances, claims, and squabbles in the family, then what to expect next from such a relationship and why deceive each other? And even more so, visiting psychologists will definitely not help here. All these are first-level psychological traumas, which ultimately come down to relationships with parents. It's simple: if you haven't sorted out your relationship with your mother, then your independent life will not be harmonious. In any family, a child one day receives the psychological trauma of being abandoned. No matter how hard his parents try, every child develops the understanding that he can manipulate adults. But one day he realizes that manipulation will no longer achieve anything: he was abandoned, offended, and is not doing what he wants. And then this resentment (already in adulthood) can block feelings, emotions and much more. That's the reason.
What in a couple can push one partner away from the other?
If you know how to position yourself correctly in this life (you have potential, your own vision of life, you are a valuable element for any person), then people will naturally gravitate towards you. Communication with you is valuable in itself for them; there is a necessary exchange of information useful to both. But when all this occurs in the context of consumer interaction (return occurs on one side only), a person takes the position of a victim and selfishly consumes or demands something from others. This can lead to some kind of aggression, violence and even assault. In this case, these are already obvious mental disorders that are deeply embedded in the consciousness of children watching such scenes in the family.

Understand: no one owes you anything. Everyone can do whatever they want (of course, within the laws of the country where they live). After all, a lot is being twisted, thought out, the importance is inflated and the person perceives the situation as something terrible and unthinkable. But in fact, it's just life and its manifestations. In the end, we are all mortal. And if a person has the opportunity to share at least something with you, then it means you are no longer indifferent to him. He thinks about you, shows some attention. And then you can judge: do you need such a manifestation or not?
Can we say that a person with a high level of awareness will not cheat?
In general, I believe that humanity is still at the initial levels of its development. Expansion of consciousness or any kind of spiritual development are all very distant things for modern man. We confidently, clearly, systematically continue to move approximately according to this scheme: first, a person at an early age receives some psychotraumas, then, against their background, he creates himself as an individual, and towards the end of his life, this individual becomes an enemy of the nervous and immune systems. Hence the mass of autoimmune diseases that gradually consume a person. Pure egocentrism: everything revolves around a person's self-expression.

The problem with all betrayals is illusion: you live in dreams that no one will ever cheat on you; that you will never die; that this world really owes you something. That is, you had an illusion about yourself and about this world. If you are faced with infidelity, then you need to calm down as quickly as possible, come to a balanced state and move on with your life.
How to find this peace?
And for this there are excellent techniques and knowledge that I give to people. If you do them regularly for at least some time, you yourself will change for the better. Believe me. Because the meaning of all these practices is the same - you discard what is not yours; those inner beliefs of yours that lead you down the wrong path, only inflating your ego. I have been studying human energy information systems, the interaction of his internal systems and beliefs for twenty years. And the information that I provide in my courses, trainings and retreats can literally transform you in two hours. And then the energies around you will begin to change, and vain illusions will cease to exist.
Does this mean that at some point life will specifically create for a person those conditions that will help refute his beliefs about marital fidelity?
It all depends on the level of human development, what stages and what lessons he goes through. Yes, life throws up situations against which we grow spiritually. But we need to understand this more literally: a mathematical model of what is inside us creates communicating elements that are expressed in situational series. And there are different ways to unfold this or that plot. No frequencies, vibrations, energies, everything is much simpler.

Here's a basic example: can you stand correctly? Are you able to distribute your weight evenly across both legs? It turns out that even at this level there can be a problem. A person can feel some displacements in the body even when standing still. Why? Because the deep psychological traumas that exist inside a person greatly affect the physical body, including the ability to properly distribute weight. Hence - balance, both physical and spiritual.

It's the same with life itself. One day she will cheat on you and leave for another person. And again I ask an important question: what did you do to ensure that she stayed with you? So that your life fills your body, your psyche, your energy bodies. Did you pay attention to her? Have you come to know yourself and your body? This is your first relationship. Partners, families, lovers - this is all much further. First, come to an agreement with yourself and your body.
What advice can you give to someone who has been cheated on?
First of all, you need to discard illusions. Read Osho, books by other strong masters - people who will help tune your brain so that it can reflect this reality, not illusions. As for practices and techniques, you can take any courses from our School. Go through and do practice. They all help in understanding oneself. The faster you come to objective reality, the faster you will improve your life and set it up the way you need.

If you still experience strong emotions on the topic of betrayal, this is, in fact, infantilism, a manifestation of the inner capricious, touchy child. It's just that now this is expressed in the adult world by internal torment, pity for one's loved one. This is a greatly inflated importance of oneself. Imagine your problem on the vast scale of the Universe - it's just a tiny, barely noticeable zilch. How many people were there before us, during us, how many will there be after us?
Should betrayal be forgiven?
You can roll on the floor, bang your head against the wall, scream and shed tears - but what will this give you? Will this make your life happier? Any manifestation of yourself in this world is your own choice, which creates certain causes for further consequences. This is the well-known law of cause and effect. Cheating is a cause for a future consequence: either separation (if the parties are not ready to work through the situation), or a greater understanding of what you need and what your partner can expect from you.

Customize your life the way you need. Get rid of illusions and live in harmony.

Light and Love.

You can cope with feelings, survive betrayal and establish a better relationship with yourself
at an online marathon
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